is the word 'diary' better than the word 'blog'? probably not.
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Should �online diary� be an oxymoron? Or: the personal is not always political.
I still have a journal in which I write things that I don�t want anyone else to read. That journal, like this one, sometimes is about my �work� or the thinking process that leads up to an academic or other writing/thinking project. And it is also often about my life, and what I think about or wonder about, or what I am having a hard time thinking through. Or it is about some silly or serious thing that happened that I needed to write down so I could understand what it meant to me, or why I reacted the way I did, etc. The personal journal is a different thing. What is written for an online diary�if you ask me�of necessity has to be ready for the light of day, or the public eye, even if, like this one, chances are that not too many eyes will ever read it.
(This doesn�t mean that everything in an online diary has to be polished or fully formulated. There�s nothing wrong with sharing half-baked theories or thoughts in transition. And there is no reason why writing always has to be SERIOUS. In addition it would be a terrible mistake to think one could never have the freedom to put forth ideas and then change one�s mind later.)
But anyway, what is written for an online journal has to be ready for the light of day, and that is different from writing in a personal journal. Sure, writing, even when it is writing for oneself, is aimed at communication, and communication takes place between persons. Nonetheless, not everything has to be said in public, or out loud. In fact, not everything has to be said. I would hazard that it is even important NOT to say certain things, or at least it can be worthwhile to give thought to what you will and will not say. This is true not only because some things cannot adequately be conveyed in words, but because words that are uttered have effects on people, and those effects, even when you can�t precisely control what they will be, are the responsibility of the person who utters them.
So �online diary� doesn�t have to be an oxymoron. But the personal is not always political. There has to be a part of each of us that remains in darkness with regard to the rest of the world. There has to be some part of each of us that withstands the light of publicity, if only so that the part that can�t avoid being made public can survive that exposure. (Some of you will recognize a debt I owe here to the thought of Hannah Arendt.)
Part of this private zone or space outside of the light of publicity can be nurtured not only in the solitude of one�s own brainspace, but can be what is shared between friends or lovers or what-have-you. I house secrets and facts for friends and for myself that I will take to the grave, and I don�t feel this as a burden. It is, rather, a privilege. To be trusted with something of such weight, that is what it means to be trusted, or to be trustworthy.
Every human being is a house full of secrets and traumas, joys and plans, and vulnerabilities, motivations and desires that will never be made public. Or at least that is how it should be, if you ask me. This is why I can�t watch most reality TV shows (even though I would also argue that those shows still don�t reveal to us EVERYTHING. Not only will there be parts of every person that simply do not end up on film, it is also the case that many of the people who participate in such spectacles won�t recognize themselves when they view the finished product. Why? Because even when we know what our intentions and motivations are�and often we don�t�we still can�t control how we will look to the world when we try to make ourselves known. We will be misunderstood and misinterpreted, despite our best or worst efforts. That is why it takes some form of courage even to try to communicate one�s thoughts and ideas. And that, in turn, is why there needs to be a place of privacy, where one is kept safe from the judgments and misunderstandings that are unavoidable in the light of publicity. �Online diary� doesn�t have to be an oxymoron. But it isn�t the same as a diary that is not intended for anyone else to read.)
Not everyone will agree. There�s plenty of room for that.
PS--Someone found this diary in the last hour by searching google with the terms "you pooped in the refrigerator." I guess there's room for that, too.
7:36 p.m. - July 28, 2004
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