is the word 'diary' better than the word 'blog'? probably not.
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Why? An Entire Entry About Bra Shopping.
Why? An Entire Entry About Bra Shopping.
so strange! I was about to write an entry about the fabulous fading glory of the magnin bathrooms held hostage by an expanding modernizing macy�s, when I tuned in to evany�s diary and realized that she just did so on friday. so strange!
anyway, this morning caroleen and I went bra shopping at macy�s. as any female knows, bra shopping is always demoralizing. there are many reasons for this. for one, the sizing of bras is crazy unstable, so even if you manage to figure out what your real bra size actually is (and this is not at all as easy as it might seem), you will then discover that every manufacturer and at times every individual bra style will assert a slightly different take on what is meant by �34� or �C� or �D.� perhaps this is good given the myriad actual breast shapes and sizes versus the sizing system offered by the industry. it is nonetheless frustrating and at times even depressing once you find yourself standing semi-naked under fluorescent lights wearing an ill-fitting undergarment. you see yourself there... so sad! so vulnerable! who would ever look twice at this?!
there's more. I am a 34D. but this size largely does not exist for bra makers (or perhaps it does not exist for wholesale bra orderers?). 34C yes. 36D yes. anything you wanna be in a B-cup, yes. but when it comes to finding a bra for 34D-Jill, it�s beggar-wishing-she-could-be-chooser-time. and, if you�re a D cup, FORGET about finding a cute bra. no. you are now a �full figure� shopper, which means that you are with the grandmas and the huge underwear.
(comic genius or malevolent planning?: for some reason macy�s has placed the small figure racks (heh) right next to the full figure racks. this seems like unnecessary cruelty for both kinds of shopper. one always finds oneself slipping over to the next rack only to have one�s body-type mercilessly mocked by inanimate implacable garments.)
and then there�s the trying-the-shit-on experience. the syndromes these garments create! four-boob syndrome (you know, when part of the breast hangs over the top of a bra, thereby giving the appearance of four boobs instead of two). side-boob syndrome. once I even had an attack of six-boob syndrome! also: boobs way-too-far-apart syndrome, and its partner, too-close-together.
today I tried on a bra that promised to let my "natural" beauty show. what that meant was intense nipple detail beyond what I actually own and boobs way too far apart (which, truth be told, is not "natural" for the constant-cleavage setting of my torso).
then I did what I should never do. I tried on some cute bras in sizes not quite my own. one in particular, a cute cream silk number with black polka dots and black lace insets was very very appealing. it even kinda fit me. but the minute I put a shirt on over it it looked horrible.
you know how you sometimes see a woman walking down the street, and under her shirt she is clearly wearing some kind of bumpy or oddly seamed bra? there are some bras that are made only for wearing on their own, apparently. no additional clothing allowed. when I see a woman wearing one of those bras with clothes, looking all bumpy and fucked up through a tshirt, it makes me think, �well, I do hope you�re on your way to having someone undress you so you can show that off, but really, is it worth it?�. it is of course true that some of the less-than-basic bras can transition into under-clothing wear, but many cannot. that is why when you bra shop you simply must try on a tshirt with every bra that makes it past the eye and extra-boob-syndrome tests.
so I stood in the 18-way mirror of the dressing room for quite a while trying to think of outfits or reasons why that cute-ass bra should be part of my life, and I could think of none. I got dressed and left the scene of my mortification. when caroleen came and found me looking at overpriced underwear, I saw that she was going to buy that very bra. what this means: she has good taste, a lucky boyfriend, and a very different rack from mine.
I also considered buying a light blue bra made out of modal, a newish fabric that is so soft it�s like if you could make a bunny into a brassiere. that bra fit ok and didn�t double or triple my number of breasts, but it also wasn�t doing me any favors, so I walked away. ended up buying two more bras just like the one I was wearing when I entered the store. I took them in black and bronze, because apparently 34D doesn�t deserve lilac or little-red-flowers or sparkly teal, let alone silky polka dots. 34D takes what it can get.
now, I used to worry that the exceedingly straightforward practicality of my over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders would be deemed unsexy to the point of being repellent to anyone who might end up seeing me on the way to naked. luckily I�m old enough to get over that and realize that every uncute bra can be made up for in more ways than there are words to describe. and in the end this is what we all have to say to each other anyway, on some level: I am imperfect! you might like me anyway! how lovely is that?!
4:59 p.m. - August 01, 2004
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