is the word 'diary' better than the word 'blog'? probably not.
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Long Entry about Weddings, and Leaving, and Exposed Hearts.
Long Entry about Weddings, and Leaving, and Exposed Hearts.
I am on the airplane RIGHT NOW (as I type this) with Hans Blix (TCNTUNWI)! He has given up howling for now, there under the seat like that. He usually does. But it�s lovely how patient people are with animals traveling. If we could be a bit more kind to (or at least patient with) our fellow humans in similar situations, we might be on to something.
Guess what? JEFF AND CAROLEEN ARE MARRIED! It was the best wedding ever, as good as I ever could have hoped. Evany, Marilyn and I showed up around 3 to help set up. We left around 4 to go get dressed, then we came back around 5 to continue helping. The event was slated to begin at 6. The ceremony probably occurred around 6:30 or 7, but you know how I am with time. Time? What time? What day is it? What year? Oh. Anyway, they GOT MARRIED. No walking down the aisle or anything. We were all seated at round or rectangular tables drinking wine and talking, when all of a sudden-like, Jeff and Caroleen were on stage with their groomsmen. The ceremony began. At first Jeff and Caroleen were standing really far away from each other, which seemed weird. Then they were asked to approach each other, which they did, which caused Evany Thomas to make a huge recognizably-Evany whoop, and then begin weeping. I think Jeff and Caroleen might have begun giggling right then? I know I did. I pointed at Evany, as I always do when she begins weeping, which is often. Then they began their vows and I began weeping, so I pointed at myself. The vows were good. They were secular, and sweet, and straightforward, and beautiful, and just right. Jeff cried. Don�t tell him I told you. When Jeff cried I really cried a lot, and then had to ask Marilyn about my mascara. Leisa had similar concerns.
After the vows were all over and they kissed, we all yelled and clapped and shouted as if it were a rock show instead of a wedding, and for some reason I really loved that. Then the first song that played afterward on the sound system was Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash. Ha!
Everyone looked great! So many lovely dresses, and the men in their shirts and ties. And we had fun. See!
Marilyn and I.
Me and Heidi.
Amy, Evany and Leisa.
Sunny and Marilyn.
Some of you are wondering about the date. No, I did not bring to the wedding the person I had asked to the wedding but then who could not say yes but also did not say no and so I was annoyed by his ambivalence. He and I are still friends, just as we were before. But I never needed a date in the first place, it just seemed like he and I would have had a fun time there together. However, Cash was there. He danced with me, and, well, he may be ten years old, but he was the best dancer there. He looked very handsome in his tiny blazer and tie. Check. Him. Out.
I don�t know what time it was when we left, but someone had the brilliant idea that we should go to a bar and drink more. And so I did. Then I felt very drunk indeed and realized I really needed to eat some unwholesome food before sleeping. So Marilyn and I went to Sparky�s, and who did we see there but Sunny, Leisa and Cash! I sat down with them and immediately said to Cash, �Cash, how are you going to feel about me if I begin eating your French fries?!� He said, �OK,� and pushed the plate my way a bit.
When we got into bed Marilyn reminded me that I had made three different brunch dates during the evening. I said, �well, there�s no way we�ll make Evany�s date, because it�s at 10 am and FUCK THAT� (so I IM�d her right then to say I was too drunk to wake up that early) �and Sunny wants to brunch with us but she won�t wake up until 2pm, and by then we�ll have to be leaving to go to Keith�s, so that�s not going to work. But wait, who was the third date?� Marilyn could not recall. I decided that it would just be me and her.
Then we got a call from Jeff at 10 am asking about the brunch. Right! We made a date with the MARRIED PEOPLE! And who can say no to that? It was me and Marilyn and Jeff and Caroleen and Caroleen�s parents and Aunt and family friend. We ate at The Ramp, outdoors on the water. It was yummy and fun. I think everyone was hungover except Caroleen.
Man, it was a very emotional weekend. The wedding, leaving my residence of ten years, hanging out with various people�s kids and parents and lovers and best friends, and thinking about how attachments are like little hearts that you rip out of your chest and then wear exposed to all dangers. Not exactly an original thought, but it�s true, and the truth of it is beautiful and, well, heart-breaking, and scary.
I was having that thought on Sunday as I was sitting with Halliday on the back porch of Keith and Rachel�s house, and their three-year old son Griffin was looking at me with the same mischievous face Keith can very well muster (and often did, when he and I were teenaged dates) (and often still does, when he sees me seeing him doing something silly) (which he still often does) (thankfully!). Liz walked past Griffin and I just then, and Griffin pointed at her and said, �I love that boy!� Ha. Oh, gender.
After having a huge brunch, then eating all day at Keith�s, I had Liz drive me directly to Sunny�s for TV and pizza and eggplant parmigiana and wine. Evany, Heidi, Liz, Sunny, Leisa, Cash and I ate and talked and watched some bad TV. At some point I lost the ability to be awake and Heidi drove me home. As I walked in the door LG was calling me. I think my life is good! I think this even though it is currently defined by the patented Evany Thomas question: �what is going to HAPPEN!?�. (And the trademarked Jill response: �The future is unknown and unknowable,� sometimes extended to include, �save for the little islands of stability we carve out for ourselves by loving and promising and seeing what happens.�)
We�ll see. Just you wait.
I slept on a yoga mat on the hardwood floor, and slept much better than you might imagine. I had some sad moments while walking out of the apartment for the last time. My navy blue floors, gone! My neighborhood, no longer mine! Jeff had one of these moments while �dropping my ass off for the last time,� as did Heidi. Caroleen picked me up and as we were driving away I felt a bit tearful but she talked me through it. Now I�m on the airplane in a dress that is a bit too hott for flying with a bunch of strangers. I had intended that it be covered by a cardigan sweater (this is how I convert much of my clothing from hott dress into teaching outfit) but the weather and the fake air on this plane have been too warm for that. So picture me in a DKNY fit-and-flare black halter dress and blue suede boots carrying a huge fluffy cat through the metal detector. I�m betting I looked like the kind of girl who is so high maintenance you tell yourself to run the other way.
But I think I am not high maintenance. I am, in Halliday�s words, �pathologically independent.� But perhaps that requires its own kind of outside maintenance. There are things we do not know about ourselves. At least it wasn�t like last time when I realized that not only did I have Hans Blix with me, but I was carrying a Chococat suitcase and wearing my black satin bomber jacket with the cat embroidered on the back. Crazy Cat Girl Carrying So Many Exposed Hearts!
PS. All photos taken by MARCO!
3:30 p.m. - August 29, 2005
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