is the word 'diary' better than the word 'blog'? probably not.
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Note to Self: Prescription Chewbacca Mask. [pause] sc johnson wax.
Note to Self: Prescription Chewbacca Mask. [pause] sc johnson wax.
Halloween is a big holiday in San Francisco. Not so big in Haverford, PA. Not that it makes much difference for me. The only years I�ve gone out on Halloween have been because of Caroleen. She loves costumes, and Halloween. Whereas I just like costumes, and prefer to wear them on days other than Halloween, such as at theme parties or the like. One year on Halloween we all went out, to the Lexington and then parading around the Castro, as a really messed up beauty pageant. You know: Miss Diagnosed, Miss Carried, Miss Understood. Caroleen was all jaundiced as Miss Diagnosed. Liz was Ms. Erables. As in Les Miz. And I was Miss Quito. That�s right, I was a beauty pageant insect. I even hooked up a small speaker at constant feedback level in my purse so I�d make an annoying humming noise.
But most Halloweens I sit home and do whatever it is I normally do when I sit home. Read books, watch TV. Earlier tonight I had this IM conversation with Caroleen:
jill: are you wearing a costume?
caroleen: a sunny costume
caroleen: and a chewbakka mask
jill: is sunny caroleen?
caroleen: are you costumed?
jill: haha
jill: no
jill: pajamas
jill: couch
jill: book
jill: cupcakes
caroleen: and a chewie mask?
jill: yes
caroleen: it goes with everything
jill: but it's hard to get my glasses on over the damned thing
caroleen: so do cupcakes
jill: for the reading
caroleen: tough call
jill: not to mention the frosting in my bacca-fur
caroleen: prescription chewie mask
caroleen: next year
jill: note to self
caroleen: tm
caroleen: sc johnson wax?
jill: hahaha!
jill: brooouuuuuuuwwwwww
jill: (chewie noise)
caroleen: did trick or treaters come to your house?
jill: they rang the doorbell but never got to my apartment?
jill: perhaps there's a predator in the bldg?
caroleen: they're trapped
jill: they are missing out on cupcakes
caroleen: g'nite sleepy chewie
caroleen: child eater
jill: brooooooouuuuuuuuw
I totally missed an opportunity to make a Hall and Oates joke there. Oh well.
About the �sc johnson wax� remark� I HAD FORGOTTEN that last summer I started punctuating all my statements with �sc johnson wax.� You know, how a last-minute really-quick almost-under-a-man�s-breath voice appears at the very end of a televised advertisement to tell you what company is large and in charge? Some normal-type advertisement for dish soap or something draws to an end and then, out of nowhere, there comes a disembodied voice speed-saying �sc johnson wax� or somesuch? Ludicrous Unintended Comedy. So while Jeff, Caroleen, Evany and I were camping, I�d say something like, �Man, I could really use a Pepsi right now. [pause] sc johnson wax.� Or: �I put the toiletries back in the bear locker but I only fastened the bottom latch, not the top lock. [pause] sc johnson wax.� Oh, how that makes me laugh!
Luckily E, J and C thought it was funny, too. And now I have been REMINDED.
Today I got a postcard in the mail, not junkmail but sent to my old address especially to me, handwritten address, �Dear Jill� written into the otherwise unpersonalized message. It was sent to my SF address and then forwarded to my new address, from a PLASTIC SURGEON. I was all �Wha? [pause] sc johnson wax.� It was offering me all these PLASTIC SURGERY services. I was confused. [Pause. For a few hours.] Oh. I actually WENT TO A PLASTIC SURGEON a few years ago. For a consultation. About a scar. I had a cyst removed and then the scar left by the removal ended up being larger and more unsightly than the cyst was. So my doctor sent me to a plastic surgeon to see if it could be fixed, because it was in a visible area. In fact it was on my right breast (my right, your left). And the last thing a girl wants is to give people another reason to look at her right breast, and then have that reason cause in them some sort of questioning along the lines of �what is that THING on that girl�s left, no, right breast!?�
Anyway, plastic surgeon dropped some science on me, to the tune of my allergies to science. An attempt to make the scar go away would make a bigger scar. And so on. So she recommended that, in addition to wearing one of those silicone scar-treatment pads for six months or so, I MASSAGE THE AFFECTED AREA DAILY to break up the scar tissue. Did I mention this is my right breast we�re talking about? Broooooouuuuuuuwwww! And you thought the ludicrosity of this entry would end with SC JOHNSON WAX?
PS. It worked. Sometimes surgeons don�t even have to surgilate you.
10:53 p.m. - October 31, 2005
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