is the word 'diary' better than the word 'blog'? probably not.
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Holy Shouch!
Holy Shouch!
Through a set of circumstances it would be boring to describe, I was offered $100 and a free Phillips Norelco Satin Ice Epilator if I�d use it and then write about it in my BLOG. Because apparently BLOGGING is the next big thing. And so is yanking the hairs out of your leg with a little pain machine. But I like hair removal, and have tried various kinds, so why not?! So I�d like to introduce you to the Ice Princess. She seems nice enough but if you�re not careful she will rip your entrails out through your nostrils. This is our tale:
Look at me! I am cute and baby blue and I fit in the palm of your hand! Be my friend!
But beware. I am not all sweetness and light.
I can be VERY VERY MEAN. Gonna make you sweat! And not in a good way.
Once upon a time a girly-girl loved hair removal. She loved the Venus razor. She loved the lady shaving cream that goes with it. She also loved VEET depilatory cream with its smooth edged hair-removal tool. However she had never been waxed. Turns out, she is allergic to everything and just assumed that getting waxed would leave her with two legs full of allergically-reactioned hair follicles. But ripping hair out without wax? That seemed like something maybe she could get into her routine.
That story is my story. I have now been epilated. So far the tale has a happy ending. However, as with all stories, even fairy tales, our heroine has to undergo some trials and travails before happiness ensues. And so�
Oh the pain! I cannot do justice to this pain, I tell you. While I was trying to remove the hair from my right leg, I kept jerking the machine away from my leg in horror, because my senses were telling me that the machine was ripping open a deep bloody jagged gash in my leg. It felt EXACTLY LIKE what I imagine it would feel like if someone were using a dull jagged-edge knife to gnaw an ugly sad mad painful bloody wound into my leg. Slowly. But I�d move the machine away and there was my leg, all intact, and, well, very SMOOTH and clean-shaven as well! My senses were deceiving me. Or maybe they were just trying to tell me that I should drop kick the ice princess to the door?
Other times I would jerk the machine away because I was certain it was electrocuting me with thousands of tiny little electric shocks. But, no, it was simply RIPPING THE HAIRS OUT OF MY LEG without mercy.
So why did I keep doing it? I�m not sure. I suppose I was lured by the idea of the payoff. Apparently ripping the hair out of your leg at the root hurts the most the first time (wait. that sounds familiar, doesn�t it?). And the hair doesn�t grow back for a month or so. And then it grows back thinner and finer. And in the meantime no shaving every other day, which would be my normal schedule. Once a month. Pain decreasing. Less hair? Seems like a win-win-win.
But oh, the pain. I am not sure how to convey just how painful it is. I am not a wimp. We all know that most women have higher pain thresholds than do most men. I have been tattooed without much ado. I have had various forms of injury. But man! In addition to checking for imagined jagged open gashes, my hair removal was accompanied by some desperate wimpering, and some insanely ridiculous bargaining about how to escape the pain. I say insanely ridiculous because who was I bargaining with? Myself! And yet I kept going, all the while silently asking myself, in pleading tones, �whyamidoingthis whyamidoingthis WHYAMIDOINGTHIS!? ow ow ow ow ow. holy shouch!�
But that�s the thing. Why was I doing it? It�s a bit addictive once you start. Not necessarily because of the pain, but because of 1) the promise of long-lasting hair removal and 2) the satisfaction at having accomplished the hair removal. Once you get part of it removed, you become determined to get through the whole process. There�s also a bit of a rush when you�re done with a session of removal, that sparkly awakeness that comes with SURVIVAL. (Bad pun alert: Ep-elation?)
Anyway, I�ve been at it long enough now to testify that once you get the thickest portion of the hair removed, it does get less painful. And even rewarding in a way. It�s satisfying to remove hair one day, and then still have it be gone the next day, and the day after, and the day after, and counting. Whether the intense pain makes it worth it is one of those calculations that will be different for everyone. As long as I never have to repeat that really painful phase again, I am declaring it all worth it. I�ll keep you posted on the regrowth.
One good feature of the appliance is the detachable part that you keep in the freezer. It sticks to the back of the torture device and then cools the extraction area right after the hair-ripping, and that does help. However that part only works if you press the appliance to your flesh as directed. If you, because of the pain, are a bit squeamish about it, like me, then the ice part won�t be touching your leg (because you�ll be too scaredy-cat to get it close enough for full effectiveness) but you�ll still be getting the hair-yanking treatment. It�s a dilemma you will have to work through on your own.
There's also a nifty exfoliating attachment, which helps keep ingrown hairs from occuring. And there's an old-school shaver attachment, so you can use ice princess as an electric razor. And all the pieces can be stored in a cute little pastel blue bag.
It took me over a week to remove the hair on my two legs. Not because I had so much hair, but because I could only stand the treatment for so long. I found that two strategies worked for getting the pain routine done: 1) sometimes I would watch a TV program and only remove hair during the commercials. 2) other times I would listen to a really good CD, of the kind of music loud enough to be heard over the buzzing of the appliance, and concentrate on the music.
So: it looks like it might be true that it hurts less once you�ve gotten through the first round. I�ve already had some stubble grow in, and I�ve also had to go back and get at patches that I missed in during the first rounds, and when there is less hair the pain is negligible. Today I spent about fifteen minutes using the machine without the ice pack attachment, and with the machine straight on the skin. Most of the time that was just fine, but there were still a few ow-ow-ow accompanied by ridiculous bargaining moments. Ice princess isn�t so bad after all. For now we�re friends again. We may live happily ever after.
12:50 a.m. - January 25, 2006
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