is the word 'diary' better than the word 'blog'? probably not.

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Developments. Revisions. Woe.

1. The couch cover is now ON THE COUCH.

2. Hans Blix (TCNTUNWI) has a cold.

3. I have taken out most of the garbage and recycling.

4. A mouse has been entering my kitchen during every night and leaving me tiny little turds. Hans Blix is not doing his cat-job.

5. At a BBQ today I told the story about the Old People at the Movies, and was quickly put straight. Apparently EVERYONE talks during the movies in Philadelphia, not just old people, and not just in Ambler. At least that is the claim of the great majority of people at the BBQ at Emma's today. And they've all been here longer than I have. And, truth be told, even though I love movies, I've only seen TWO movies in the Philly area in the whole 1.5 years I've lived in Philadelphia. (All of my movie viewing tends to be done in SF and NY.) Both Philly-area movies were at art-house-type cinemas, so I haven't even experienced what I hear is a real talk-fest at the cineplex. So I guess what this means is that I was wrong to disparage only the Old People of Ambler, when I should have been disparaging all moviegoers in the greater Philadelphia area. But I prefer to stick to my specific story of vilification rather than heap blanket scorn on the masses with regard to a phenomenon that I have as-yet had little opportunity to witness. I am a SCIENTIST.

6. I realized that part of my extended bout with quasi-woe emerges out of the way in which I had, without reflecting on it, weaved a whole lovely story for myself about what life would be like when I was back in Pennsy and in a relationship with a very compelling person. So when that fell apart, so did all these habits of thought I had formed for myself without thinking of forming them. That's why it doesn't matter, in some real way, that the reasons for the falling-apart have nothing to do with me and that there is no doubt about the very good and real feelings that were and are in place in the relationship. What I won't be getting is my lovely dream, and I find myself left with nothing to replace it. Hence: the woe.

For Levinas woe means: a) pain, plus b) consciousness of pain, plus c) consciousness that consciousness of pain is not freely assumed. What that means, in shorthand, is: passive + conscious + conscious of passive. It hurts, you are conscious of its hurt, and then, insult to injury, you are conscious that the conciousness is passively undergone rather than being some result of your intellectual freedom or anything you might have desired. That's woe.

However, sometimes recognizing woe for what it is, or finding its underlying cause, helps you develop coping strategies. That's all you can really do with something that you have to undergo passively on some level. Work on through it.

I wasn't wrong to have any of those hopes.

12:35 a.m. - October 09, 2006

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