is the word 'diary' better than the word 'blog'? probably not.
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When Dumb is Lucky Smart.
First, an informational notice: Some of you have been corresponding with me about buying stuff from the etsy store. All good. Some subset of you may have noticed that things you wanted to buy are no longer in the store... I made some sales. However, some of those things can be made in multiples, so just ask. Finally, if you are an international person of mystery and are having trouble with my items that so far only have domestic shipping options, just tell me what you want and I can send you a bill using Paypal and sell you the item that way, to the side of etsy. It doesn't cheat etsy because I'm still paying their listing fees. Worry not.
One more thing: I'm leaving town for three weeks on December 16, so order soonish if you want stuff before the holidays.
In other news, I am stupid with money. But that's not news, is it? However, this IS news. Apparently we are living in an upside-down backwards world where, BECAUSE I am retarded with money, I am one of the only people who lost nothing of my investments in the current stock market crisis. That is because the only investments I have are in bonds and fixed rate annuities. (And some stocks my grandma bought me here and there.) Now, at any other moment in time you'd tell me that someone my age should have a much more aggressive investment portfolio. And you'd be right. You'd still be right now. And now. But it just so happens that, because of really really conservative money-saving choices I've made, I've lost nothing. How did I learn this, you ask?
After years of putting it off, I finally met with a financial planner this week. As he was looking at my numbers he was all aghast. Not because of what I'd lost but because I hadn't lost anything. He could not believe it. My extreme (to the point of craziness) distrust of gambling has "paid off." (To me the stock market feels like gambling. With money. Which I do not have. And so I don't want to give it to people who might take it away from me. Who knew I was a rabid fiscal conservative when it comes to my own money? However, everything changes when it comes to my shoes.)
So I made one change, and a promise to meet with him later to discuss others. One of my current accounts is now a bit more aggressive to take advantage of stocks being at a such a low price right now.
So, it appears that all those years while I was doing my best to ignore how dire my financial situation was, I did two smart things amongst all the dumb ones. 1) I refinanced my student loans at a moment when rates were historically low, so that portion of my debt is locked in forever at 2.5%. Unbelievable. 2) When, as a graduate student, entering school late, approaching 30, nowhere near PhD yet, and without retirement savings, I realized how unsmart that was, I linked a fixed rate annuity to my American Express card so I basically HAD to contribute every month no matter what. And that is why I am not at all as bad off, retirement-wise, as I would otherwise be.
I still need to do much, much more. But that will wait 5 years while I pay down my stupidity, aka my immense (and I do mean IMMENSE) credit card debt.
Now, I used to feel totally ashamed and foolish about my credit card debt. And those feelings are still part of what I feel. However, I have gotten some perspective on at least some portion of my debt. Academia in the humanities is for rich people. People who can afford to supplement what they are given with their own money. For instance, I never would have gotten a job if I hadn't put all those conference trips on credit cards. And so on. You have to go give papers and meet people and spend time with people in your profession. You have to grease the wheel or some other dead metaphor. Or you get nowhere. And if you attend a public university in a humanities field, you probably will not get funding to pay for any of that.
Then there is all the moving. Since grad school I've lived in Amherst, MA, Haverford, PA and New York City. Academic jobs pay for "part" of a move. You pay for the rest. Even though you have no money. And so you end up like me.
If I had been smart with money, I might have decided to pursue a different career. Because this world I am in is meant for people of independent means, period. I have come to see that now.
But I also like my job most of the time, and I think what I do matters. I'm not sure what kind of price to put on that. All I know is that I wish the price that DOES hang on it weren't largely in unsecured debt with rising interest rates.
The end. Tomorrow or soon I'll return with more entertaining tales of bhangra dancing, or perhaps that short Beckett play I've been meaning to write about Tiger, the neighborhood cat who won't come home.
11:55 a.m. - December 06, 2008
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