is the word 'diary' better than the word 'blog'? probably not.
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it must be summer.
It feels like summer vacation already, which means it felt perfect when one of my colleagues attached a file to an email memo, and the file was a video of Alice Cooper singing �School�s Out� with the muppets. You know, the big full-sized walking muppets. It was funny, and moreso because this colleague of mine isn�t one of the main jokers of the group.
It feels like summer vacation but it isn�t. I still have to moderate a public event tomorrow night (a conversation between Paul Kahn of Yale and Austin Sarat of Amherst College about state violence) for which I need to prepare questions, and I�ve got meetings to attend, and business to wrap up, and lots of things due, things that I should be working on.
But ever since I gave a big invited talk at the New School last Thursday night, I haven�t been able to make myself do anything work-related for more than an hour at a time. I worked really hard on getting that talk ready, and was more nervous than I usually am. And then it went really well, and I got lots of good questions and enthusiasm from the students and faculty. It was pretty great. Spending a year alone in a tiny room writing makes you lose sight of whether your work is good or bad. It�s too involuted, the writing and thinking process. So it was good to have it confirmed that I�m doing something interesting.
Then I drank a bunch of wine at the post-talk reception, answered some more questions and talked about ideas low and high, and wandered off into the night towards the Star Trek movie. Perfect. Saw it with Marian, Bill, Yuki, Patrick and Colby. I thoroughly enjoyed it. And ever since then, it feels like summer vacation, even though I should be working. Friday I stayed home all day and did whatever I wanted which added up to nothing much more than making the perfect omelette, taking a bath, doing a crossword puzzle, napping, listening to music and watching TV. Yesterday I left the house to have lunch with my friend Keith who is visiting from SF. The goal was to have lunch, stop and buy wine, toilet paper and soda, and come back home and work. Instead I had lunch, walked around Soho looking at stuff, wandered up and over to the East Village to look at stuff, and came home with wine, Givenchy mascara (it really is the best: black, smooth, no flaking or itching or raccoon-eye syndrome... and the packaging is gorgeous), and a new alarm clock (I�ve been searching for a clock that wakes me up with bird sounds ever since my old bird sound clock broke three years ago). No toilet paper. Then I did a little bit of work, like for an hour or 90 minutes or something, and then it was straight to the wine and some television.
Gus is in DC this weekend helping his parents move.
Have I said this before? Professors both do and don�t get summer vacation. Everyone thinks we must be Living The Life with all our time off, but the truth of it is that very little of our own work gets done during the teaching part of the year, but we still need to do that work, both because we won�t advance in our jobs if we don�t, and because probably we got into academia at least in part because of our desire to do that work, our own writing and research. So when does that work get done? Summer. So summer is simultaneously harder and easier than the teaching part of the year. Easier because it�s summer, you can set your own schedule, travel, and not grade any papers. Harder because brain work and writing is hard.
This diary entry is named after a Fountains of Wayne song that I love because it's sunny-sounding but the words are all about how terrible summer can be. (To listen to it click here.)
Of course, I�ve just had a year of writing and not teaching. It has been up and down. I have gotten a lot done. And I�ve learned some lessons about how to spend the time. Next time I have a sabbatical or fellowship I won�t say yes to requests for other writing. I have written a wide range of interesting essays on different topics this year, and some of them will be published, whch is good. But I haven�t gotten as far along on the mythical book project as I would have liked. It�s not a tragedy but, like I said, I�ve learned a lesson about time management and about focusing on a big project. And I�ve also learned a bit about my work habits.
My summer will be spent getting ready to take on my new job in the fall. All the jobs I�ve had up until now have been the kind of jobs where you do what you have to do and that�s it. Academic work is made up of three things: teaching, research and service (service means all the committees you are on and anything you do for the sake of your department or larger institution�it takes up more time and brainspace than you would think). If you do all that, usually you get tenure. But this new job is more complicated and has more responsibility, since I am designing and implementing a new program. It�s both exciting and intimidating. I�ll have help, of course. But it is still mostly up to me, including the part where I get other people to help me. So that�s what much of my summer will be: prep for that.
I�ll probably also start packing to move. I can box up all the non-essentials, even though the formal move won�t happen until October or November, possibly even later. I�m not totally thrilled about living in Gus�s tiny studio in Philly, mostly because he has a helldog of an upstairs neighbor and the building in general is full of noises that sometimes interfere with my sleep. But it�s the best solution to a problem.
Related: My lease on my place in Brooklyn is up at the end of May. I just found out that they won�t let me switch to month-to-month renting. Because they are assholes. So all I can do is sign a new lease, then break the lease, and lose my entire $1600 security deposit. It sucks big furry donkey ass. But it�s still probably cheaper than Gus and I looking for a temporary place where we both can live and then both of us moving twice. It means, basically, that I won�t start to get out financial hell until the year 2010. Delays, delays.
And of course I�ll spend some time in San Francisco this summer. I�m excited about that!
11:58 a.m. - May 10, 2009
caroline - 2009-05-11 14:21:54
hey, jill
lots of cu places open up for summer sublet at the end of may. you can expect to pay about $1200 for something shareable. still would suck with all that moving but $1600 is a lot to lose, esp to your lousy landlord. email me if you are interested.
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