is the word 'diary' better than the word 'blog'? probably not.

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On Not Getting Enough.

After two nights of very little sleep, I spent the bulk of the day on connecting flights, wandering through airports and various forms of transit, only to emerge in Toronto and find that Farrah Fawcett has passed away, Michael Jackson is dead, and John Taylor from Duran Duran is guest-starring on some TV show with Christina Applegate. Some part of my leftover childhood psyche is really confused right now.

And I�m really sad about Michael Jackson, sadder than I would have expected. I actually cried. I guess that�s how music works. It hits you at levels that aren�t at the surface, and so you never know how deeply things have sunk in, or when and how they'll be activated.

In the meantime, John Taylor doesn�t look so good. But that doesn�t mean he hasn�t aged well. It's just that the boy that 15-year-old Jill thought was Mr. Ideal is too far from who present-day Jill would look twice at, even once he�s all growed up.

But Michael Jackson! No matter what you want to say about the last decade of crazy we�ve gotten from him, still. King of Pop. During the last year I've often been reminded of the genius of Michael Jackson, because there is a fairly constant performance of street dancers going on in the Herald Square subway station using his music. His music is really really good.

I also have this clear memory of a night of intense dancing to music, not too many years ago, at a party full of professors. Everyone was drunk and enjoying the activity of dancing. People in that room of the party, the dancing room, were clearly there for the DANCING. No talking or snacking or just swaying back and forth. People were throwing down some moves. Anyway, at some point "Don't Stop 'til you Get Enough" came on and everyone's already furious attempts to dance the shit out of that room were redoubled, nay retripled, and it hit me, with the kind of force known only by someone who is happily drunk and in the grips of an enthusiasm, that Michael Jackson had a talent beyond talents with the art of the good dance song. They aren't throwaway ditties. They are layered and interesting and innovative and CATCHY. And those songs have meant a lot to many people. His was a singular talent.

Still. I was crying. Where did that come from? I think it must be something like this: He wasn't that much older than me, and he has been famous for as long as he could remember, so of course I can't really remember a world without him. There he was performing on TV and the radio throughout my life. I've been singing his songs for as long as I've been singing.

He accompanied me to the ice rink and the roller rink and the house party as I made the awkward transition from Ohio to California and tween to teen. And then, in the modern dance class I took in high school in order to avoid taking the normal PE class, we had to learn the Thriller dance. Not that we did it very well. But we did it. So, yeah, Michael Jackson even saved me from the humiliation of having to demonstrate how badly I would have played softball or volleyball in gym class.

I�ve kept hoping in past years, especially with the rise of Justin Timberlake, our new Michael Jackson (but with a different array of brilliances), that MJ would shed the crazy or rise above it to make another great album. Or even just a superlative song or two.

And that�s just one reason why I�m sadder today than I would have thought I would be, had I ever had such a thought.

7:54 p.m. - June 25, 2009
Angela - 2009-06-26 18:06:17
I long for the Michael Jackson I grew up with. I followed him through my youth, beginning with the Jackson 5 cartoon. I recently purchased his "Off the Wall" cd (my cassette tape version was lost many years ago) and I rejoiced in the fabulous music he could make. It has been sad to see his spiral into such esoteric behavior, but his legacy of music reminds us of the musical genius he could be. I am ashamed to say I am both sorry for his children, for the loss of their father and at the same time, I am hopeful that they might be able to enjoy some semblance of a normal existence now.
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Charlie Bertsch - 2009-06-28 09:27:14
This is a great entry, Jill. A friend of mine said that Michael's death has inspired a lot of fine writing. You are certainly on my list.
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js - 2009-07-01 17:55:04
hey charlie! long time no hear. and thanks!
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