is the word 'diary' better than the word 'blog'? probably not.

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favorite sex and the city episode.

Carrie shows up at a friend�s third baby shower (for her third child, so at this point Carrie has bought this woman a wedding shower gift, a bachelor�s party gift, paid to travel to the wedding, a wedding gift, and three baby shower gifts, totaling roughly $2000, we find out later in the episode) and is told to take off her brand new shoes, as it is a shoe-less house. She�s all, �But this is an outfit!� Ha. Her shoes are $480 Manolo Blahniks. And. When she goes to leave the party later that evening, she finds that someone else has left with her shoes. Her hostess seems unconcerned and says they�ll probably turn up. Carrie calls her a bunch of times to check on the shoes. Her friend basically calls her shallow and wasteful to care so much about shoes and spend so much money on them. Carrie points out that she used to do such things, and her friends says something like: �that was before I grew up and got real responsibilities.�

OH NO SHE DIDN�T. She did. She forgot that women who are single and without kids may or may not be that way by choice�and either way, it�s just fine. And she forgot that a life that isn�t lived according to the norm can be and often is still a life full of real responsibilities, deep meaning, important relationships, and hard choices about what to spend money on.

Walking down the street with Miranda, Carrie lists all the gifts she�s bought for her friend over the years, and talks about how, since her college graduation (many many years before), there has been no occasion in her adult life where friends were required to buy her gifts (birthdays don�t count because everyone has them). No showers, no weddings and births. No group travel events to celebrate her accomplishments. No diamond rings and fancy kitchenware. And so she buys herself some luxuries, because at some point in time waiting for someone else to do it is just foolish and totally out of tune with the world�s realities, no? Or perhaps it just is supposed to be the lot of single women to wait. And wait.

Just to be sure: I'm not saying that being single is harder than having kids, or vice versa. I'm saying that either way there are difficulties... hardships, chosen and unchosen. But one way of life gets valued more than the other by the society I find myself living in.

PS: Once I went to a New Year�s Eve party in New York, long before this SATC episode, long before SATC, and was told I had to take off my shoes. My response was the same as Carrie�s: �But this is an outfit!� (Coupled with �but there�s beer all over the floor�. Ew!) I was wearing my rare robin�s egg blue Fluevog knee-high suede boots (with a translucent skirt wired with electric lights. Oh, what an outfit that was!). Anyway, no fucking way in hell I was going to leave those shoes at the door amongst a pile of winter snowboots for some opportunist at a huge drunken party to steal on her way out the door. So I walked into a back bedroom and stashed them under a bed. And then checked to make sure they were still there like once an hour. Laugh or sigh if you will, but I�ve had those boots since 1996 and THEY STILL LOOK GOOD. People still stop me on the street to talk about them.

11:41 p.m. - June 02, 2010

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