is the word 'diary' better than the word 'blog'? probably not.
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alone with a cat = blogging again.
I�m housesitting for a friend in Haverford. She has a really nice house and lovely gardens. The idea was that Gus and I (along with our cat, Thurgood) would camp out here for a couple of weeks while R is out of town and take care of things while enjoying the green suburban quiet. However, as it turns out, family issues have taken Gus away and I am stuck here alone in quiet green suburbia without much to do except worry a bit about whether my black thumb will be a scourge upon these lovely gardens.
I guess these are good conditions for working, since I really do have work to do, and there isn�t much to distract me. But I had been looking forward to some time with Gus. He�s doing what he should be doing right now, so I�m not complaining. But I miss him. So far this is how our summer has been. I was in SF for three weeks. Then we were supposed to spend ten days on a car trip, part work and mostly play. That got screwed up and I ended up in Toronto for a week without him. Now I�m here, alone. And so on. I�ve barely seen him this summer! He and I are both frustrated by this. But we did have a few really fun days between Toronto and here, including a baseball game and fun night out for his birthday, and some finely bbq�d meals here in our house-sit before he had to leave.
Today was a big day here on the main line. I went to 7-11 to get cash from the Citibank machine, then I went to buy Thurgood�s special cat food from a veterinary hospital, after which I went to the gym at Haverford. Later I did some cooking, and got a fair amount of reading done. I would have reached my for-the-day reading goal, but I decided that instead of doing that I would call Evany on the telephone. And I am glad I did! We talked for 45 minutes or so and it was good to catch up and hear about what�s going on in so-much-is-about-to-happen land. I miss her!
Then I watched the The Bachelorette for reasons that are as yet unclear to me. Man, what a ridiculous mass of refusal of the conditions of love that show is.
But I got to talk to Evany! Among other things, we talked about aging, choices that you make and choices that get made for you, and the hanging-over-one�s-head-thing that is blogging. By which I mean something like what I said in yesterday�s blog entry: sometimes I look at my history of blogging (or web-diary-writing�apparently I have given in and started using the word �blog,� and have even granted it verb status, ugh) and wish I were still coming up with entertaining or funny or silly or smart entries more often. But, like I said, it was loneliness that made all of that possible. And I am less lonely now, thanks to Gus.
But one�s own established blog, and the people who read it, are still there, hanging over a person. I often have ideas for writing, and I jot them down, or work them out in my head, and then the time never arrives where the writing gets done. It�s not that I have fewer ideas now. It�s that I don�t give them the time for development in writing. It�s partly that there is a kind of cycle where, for a time writing is easy for me and it flows forth like pepsi from a well-maintained soda fountain, only to be blocked at some point by an obstacle in the tubing so that the writing/pepsi flow slows down and also somehow seems a bit off in flavor� until the tubing finally gets cleaned by some mysterious unseeable force and I am back at writing again� it�s also partly the distractions of twitter and facebook taking up the morning time I used to devote to blogging, but it�s mostly that I�m less lonely. In the morning I talk to Gus and we laugh or cringe about things in the news and on various websites. So in this case, in some measure, writing less is a good thing. But I still wish I were writing more.
And maybe this will be a week when I write more, for work (aka articles I need to write and classes I need to prepare) and for play (aka the blog), since here I am in the silence of green suburbia, alone with a cat. Again!
10:39 p.m. - July 06, 2009
oona - 2009-07-07 16:18:14
Me too. When I'm with Z, I have more things to blog about because we talk about interesting things, but there's no time to blog them because running away from the dinner table where the wine and conversation is would be rude. And when I'm apart from him and have lots of time to blog, the thoughts don't gel, I bore myself, I can't be bothered.
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