is the word 'diary' better than the word 'blog'? probably not.
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Goodbye Massachusetts, Hello California!
When it comes to leaving, this strikes me as emblematic: A couple days before I left Amherst, I managed to ask someone, about whom I�ve long wondered, �Is there something here? Should I date this person?� whether he thought we ever would date. I haven't written about these wonderings in the webdiary because I still have a private life, especially when it comes to these things, especially ever since the whole Perrone debacle of �04. Oy, I learned. Anyway, I asked him whether he thought that he and I would ever date. I was fairly certain that between he and I there was an unspoken kind of a bond or beginning or possibility. You know how you know those things, even when they aren�t spoken. I tend to think it is good to trust that kind of knowledge. And you know what he said to me after my question was posed? Me: �Do you think you and I would ever date?� Him: (no hesitation, no surprise, no mulling it over), �No.�
Ha!
Well, since I was still sitting there and everything, I felt very conspicuous. Like a big ass, where an ass shouldn�t be. Of course I wanted to ask �why?� But I decided that an answer bearing no qualifications probably did not need to be pressed for qualifications. Me (to myself): �Do I really need to know?� Myself (to me)�no hestitation, no surprise, no mulling it over: �No.� So I let it go, and changed the subject. As Halliday once wrote: one steps forward, two step back.
None of this means that one should stop trusting knowledge of things unspoken. It just means that, like all kinds of knowledge, sometimes it will be mistaken, or it will end up being true, but not how you thought. Anyway, just to keep the world on its axis, someone else about whom I�ve long had lingering thoughts�of a sort more longstanding than those about him whom we may now call �The Naysayer��this other �he� recently confirmed to me that I WAS RIGHT. However in this case, I had thought I was wrong when it was the right time, and found out I was right when it was already the wrong time. You see? Knowledge of the unspoken: sometimes spot on; sometimes mistaken; sometimes true, but not how you thought.
Hello California! Hello 39!
2:38 p.m. - May 20, 2005
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