is the word 'diary' better than the word 'blog'? probably not.
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Enorchestra. And something more about Indifference.
Last night Enorchestra played at 12 Galaxies. It was fun. But four bands played, and, well, for aging working people, headliner=bedtimer. Evany just started a new job this week�a job with very demanding hours, and a commute�so she didn't even make it late enough to see the beginning of the Enorchestra show. However, she and Marco and I got there early enough to see the artsy film-soundtrack band, and our friends Dusty, Arman and Leila in The Secrets of Family Happiness, and then a less pleasing (to me) band called Mushroom that included jazz flute (Anchorman!) and one of those instruments that has a keyboard but is a wind instrument�. We had a huge comfy table with booth seating and were soon joined by Sunny, Caroleen, Jeff, Gayle, Amy and Amy, so all was well. Anyway, the Enorchestra show was great. They played a bunch of new (for them, or at least for me hearing them) songs from Eno's Here Come The Warm Jets, which is one of my most favoritist.
Some of you may be well aware that seeing the Enorchestra means seeing Steve Perrone. It was the first time I had been in the same room with him since, you know. It was fine. I said, "hi Steve," and he said, "hi," and I walked over to the bar and bought a yummy wheat beer with lemon. No drama. Jeff later asked me whether I had seen Steve and I said, "yes," and then Jeff asked, "Did he look nervous?" I said no and asked whether he was nervous about the show, and Jeff replied, "No, I told him you were going to throttle him." Ha! The good news is that I have no desire to throttle him at all. In fact I feel rather indifferent to him. I am aware of the ethical implications of that feeling. But I think it is a valid stage along the road in this case. I did have a moment or two of sad-feeling when I couldn't avoid thinking that we might have still been a couple right now. Always with the what might have been. Perhaps at some future time we will even be friends; but, of course, we will not the kind of friends we might have been had things gone down differently. Anyway: all's well.
I laughed really hard when I realized about halfway through the show that Perrone was wearing on his guitar strap a Nixon campaign button that I bought for him. Ha. It says: "President Nixon: Now More Than Ever." I pointed it out to Jeff and told him that I had bought it and Jeff said, "Well, that says something about failure, doesn't it?" It was one of those classic Jeff-statements that you can't disagree with but at the same time are not quite sure what the substance of your agreement is.
And then there are those ex-BFs who are your GOOD friends. Today a Fed Ex package arrived with a great birthday present from Richard! It is a blue heather ringer tshirt that says "hans blix" in dark blue gothic letters and has a regal/royal lion insignia in grey. It is perfect, and the perfect size. I tried photographing it to include in the diary but so far the sidekick camera has done no justice to the grey lion, so I'll have to wait until I'm next with someone who has a digital camera (since I have no scanner this summer).
And now, regarding yesterday's entry, a couple of gentle readers wrote to say that when they end up acting like assholes to other people, it is usually unintentional, due to having spoken too quickly, etc. I want to make sure to state that I fall prey to the foot-in-mouth disease fairly often myself. In fact there was quite a spectacular occurrence of that during the conference that I can't relate to you since to do so I would have to reveal something someone else said to me that probably was never intended to go public. Anyway, just so you know, that kind of mistaken assy behavior is not what I mean. And so I'll give you some examples of what I do mean: 1) Being on a panel wherein you are sharing 1 hour and 45 minutes worth of time with five people, and you take up 30-45 minutes of that time. That happened in a number of panels I attended. 2) Being the moderator of a panel like that and making no attempt at all to discipline the person who is time-hogging. 3) Being the time-hogger, being asked to wrap it up, and continuing on because no one is going to physically stop you from speaking. 4) Knowing you are allotted 15-20 minutes worth of time and not bothering to fit your argument into that space in some coherent way; showing up with a bunch of sheets of paper and shuffling through in front of everyone all the while complaining that it's hard t fit a complex argument into 15-20 minutes. 5) Being a moderator/discussant on a panel and ignoring the work of three panelists in order to concentrate on one because that one panelist is in your field and you want to show him or her just how stupid she or he is. Or you want to engage with his or her work genuinely, but are still going to ignore the other participants altogether, all the while hogging up the time so no audience members can engage in the discussion. 6) Being an audience member to a panel but carrying on your own independent conversation/commentary while someone is presenting his or her work. 7) Being an audience member and standing up to "ask a question" that isn't a question and isn't even commentary on the panel but rather is your way of grandstanding and taking the floor hostage.
None of those are quite the same as the regrettable mistake that occurs when we speak too quickly and end up saying something awkward, inelegant, or unintentionally mean or inconsiderate. Methinks they all stand for a more pronounced form of ethically problematic "indifference."
PS�Powerpoint is destroying the art of the presentation. DESTROYING. IT. Or, rather, the people who use power point are. A tool is just a tool. The person who uses that tool is responsible for its effects. I'll save that diatribe for another day.
PPS�I have some great photos from the Enorchestra show, but, because my iBook is out of town right now getting fixed, I am currently operating on a POWERBOOK 3400c!!! (ha) with a modem that achieves the dizzying baud rate of 24K! So no photos for you until the lovely lovely iBook returns from her brave travels.
And now, I am finally going to do it, no more putting it off: Today I am going to read through SIX MONTHS worth of submissions to h2so4.
1:34 p.m. - June 09, 2005
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