is the word 'diary' better than the word 'blog'? probably not.
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To Sleep or Not To Sleep: Not The Question At All.
To Sleep or Not To Sleep: Not The Question At All.
Sleeping is an interesting thing, is it not? But so is not-sleeping, especially when one ought to be sleeping, as, for instance, I ought to be right now. It is, after all, night-time. I should be rested in the morning. I have duties and obligations.
The philosopher Emmanuel Levinas has written that "the impossibility of rending the invading, inevitable, and anonymous rustling of existence manifests itself particularly in certain times when sleep evades our appeal. One watches on when there is nothing to watch and despite the absence of any reason for remaining watchful." When I am awake, but not by choice, at those moments, the weight of existence sometimes asserts itself as such�as a weight.
At these moments I am some distance removed from who I am during my "waking" hours, in that the darkness that surrounds me turns what would be an attention to objects into a vigilance without object. Attention to objects would presuppose the freedom of the person paying attention. And yet insomnia cannot be described as a freedom, now can it? No. Insomnia is subjection. No one chooses it, no one desires it. Subjection�not to nothingness, but to an anonymity where my freedom doesn't matter one whit.
So�and you can call this a paradox if you want�at the same time that I am distanced from my "waking" self, rendered anonymous by this insomnia, it becomes utterly clear that THERE IS NO ESCAPING EXISTENCE. I am and can only be precisely who I am. This mind, this body, one package, here, not sleeping, not entirely self-determining, a vigilance without object. There is no escaping existence. There it is, rustling all around me, with its weight. It is always there. And yet most of the time I am "free" to remain blissfully unaware of its there-ness.
Does my insomnia matter? Without insomnia (or other like reminders of the weight of existence), I might fool myself into believing that all that mattered about existence is my freedom and my will.
Here's a joke of sorts: I am often kept awake at night, thinking about the concept of insomnia in Levinas' thought. However, whenever I try to read Hegel, I sleep very well indeed.
11:47 p.m. - November 13, 2005
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