is the word 'diary' better than the word 'blog'? probably not.
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Back in NYC, Content and Discontent.
I left town on June 2 for San Francisco, came back June 22, was in my place in Brooklyn for two days, then left for Toronto for a week, then flew directly to Philly, and just got back to Brooklyn on Wednesday. That's a month an a half away from my home-base.
And I have to go back to Philly on Sunday or Monday because Gus needs me there, and I've got Haverford stuff to attend to. I'm hoping I'll be able to take care of business there and then bring my Gus back to New York with me by the end of next week.
I am excited to be back in New York. New York summer is, sure, humid and hot, but also: full of fun. So of course I sent out email messages the minute I got back, telling people that I'm here, and asking if anything is going on or if anyone wants to do anything. And you know what? Yes, you already know what, because I've complained about this before. Only one person wrote back. One person! I mean, even the people who are busy, they could have written back to say so, right? After all, I've not seen any of them since the end of May. Oh well. It is how it is with my New York friends.
You might be thinking, this is the time of the year when many people aren't in New York, especially on the weekends. True enough. But I am not so silly as to think that none of these people are checking their email. This is the era of the iPhone.
Part of me knows I should just get over expecting people to treat email as a form of social life requiring civility, by which I mean attention. Except that everyone does treat email that way, when they want to. And, in the long run, even if I have to say that some of my best friends (here and on the west coast) do not respond to email in a way I'd wish them to, I am still not going to change my mind about this. These non-responders are still my friends, for certain. But I am not going to admit defeat and declare that there is nothing wrong with ignoring friends who ask simple questions. Civility matters. It forms the backdrop of our everyday dealings with people. It is like the set of decisions you make on how to decorate a room you live in, decisions that affect how it feels to be in that room and thus how it feels for you to live your life. You know? It matters.
So I'm here, alone, stuck with a bunch of work I'd rather not be doing but must do, and I don't have social events to use as the magical carrot that keeps me working so I can have time later for fun.
It's still good to be back in my home.
And there are lots of movies and museum things I'd like to do, and I can do them on my own. But it would have been nice to see people.
Also. I sublet my apartment to a friend of a friend while I was in Toronto and Philly. This was the first time I sublet to a single guy. Usually I've sublet my place to women or to couples--that's just how it worked out. Anyway, the guy didn't do anything wrong, really. But I came home to a filthy filthy toilet, he didn't wash the sheets or strip the bed, and there were various other things that he had used or moved without putting them back where they belonged. It irked me. But I put it down to the difference between how most single guys live and how I live. And then I scrubbed the shit out of the toilet, literally.
Apparently I am full of bubbling discontent that I need to pour into your ear! This is what drives people crazy when they spend too much time alone, methinks.
But also: I do like a lot of time alone. I crave it and I need it in order to be who I am. But living in Amherst and then Haverford pre-Gus taught me that I like my alone-time when it is part of a larger life with meaningful friendships and things to do. When most of my time is alone-time because there's no option otherwise, that's just unhappiness, no matter how many projects, crafts, cakes, blogs or zines I create in my free time.
Here is what I've done since returning to NYC. On Thursday I spent all day filling out forms, filing forms, and packing up my office at John Jay. I had a funny dealing with a spectacularly discontented mailroom worker (I can't blame him, having worked in a mailroom when I was 16... I still remember the torpor), but I do believe my packages will be mailed from JJ to Haverford on Monday. Then I ran errands and went to Whole Foods. While I was at Whole Foods one of those "spontaneous" public dance things happened, and that was cool to see, but actually not all that cool, strangely. Up close it seems much more fake than it does when you see the videos of similar actions on You Tube. It's like ending up at a party in high school, thinking you'll be with the cool kids but all of a sudden it strikes you that it's everyone from drama club and, while there is cool stuff going on, there's also a bit of the horror of it all haunting your psyche. (I could have constructed a similar metaphor with Burning Man as my focal point. Cool stuff going on. I appreciate the creativity. But also: the horror. Not Exactly My Peeps.)
At Whole Foods I bought lots of yummy produce, and I've since been joyously cooking, happy to be reunited with my own kitchen. I made Pennsylvania Dutch Potato Salad (no mayo, never), Szechuan Beans, and those are each good on their own but also, combined on greens create a lovely Nicoise-esque salad. Today I'm thinking of experimenting with cookies. But then lo! a UPS man appeared at my door and brought me a special gift from Adam and Julia, a silicone mold for chocolate bouchons! (AKA the best tiny chocolate cakes ever made by humanity to put directly into your mouth.) Awesome.
But really, I have to get a freaking course syllabus done. It is hanging over me, and I've spent hours on it, and it is still only half done. The problem is that I am designing an Intro course for a program that doesn't exist yet. I guess I just need to put something together and realize that it will be adapted later as things fall into place. Sure. But I still need to make all the decisions about what does and doesn't get covered. So that will be my day today.
My favorite wine store in Fort Greene is having a little celebration with tastings and such later on. I'd like to go to that. But that strikes me as something that might be really sad to go to alone. Maybe a movie at BAM instead, stopping by The Greene Grape on the way.
Anyway, in a day or two I'll be back with my Gus, and maybe that will be the best time for seeing movies and such. He already made me promise I wouldn't go see Bruno this weekend. And I've heard from my one email reply that there might be a night at a bar with my friend Paul on Sunday, if I'm still in town....
UPDATE. There is no hot water pressure in my apartment which means the shower won't work (because there is no option for cold-only on the combined faucet) and it takes like an hour to fill up the tub. I can barely do dishes. The building manager's phone isn't working, and he doesn't answer knocks on his door, though it sounds like he's in there. And I can't find my "I Love New York" t-shirt. (click here and then click the red button.)
12:05 p.m. - July 18, 2009
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